Friday, July 20, 2012

two thousand nine throwback entry

you know when you feel like you cant go on anymore?
thats how i feel lately
im really scared that me being off of drugs and pysch meds it just a dream
its too good to be true

can i really stay away from that life forever?

all i have to do is ask God for help?  theres no stipulations or conditions to Gods love?

ive had to be strong for so long that i feel so uncomfortable being weak... but when i am weak then i am strong.

im scared that the next time i use will be my last and my counselor used to say that to me all the time- she'd say, "mariah, you use to die, not to get high."

and she's right.

i struggle so deeply with self-hate i hate myself because im never good enough, i can never do anything good enough and i always feel like people dont understand me because i cant make sense when i try to explain my feelings.


two thousand twelve reality

2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!


  1. you are invited to follow my blog

  2. thank you. am following your site- great stuff

  3. What a great witness.
    I’ve been a follower on your blog for a while now and would like to invite you to visit and perhaps follow me back. Sorry I took so long for the invitation.
    Just checking back for any new posts you may have written.

  4. I haven't read you for a while. I love what you write. It's so raw, honest, and easy to relate to. Thank you for taking the time to share this. There are days when I get frustrated or felling sorry for myself and I come across my journal I started this summer of what I am thankful for. I remember that I have an amazing amount of things/people to be thankful for in my life. Thank you for sharing your feelings and inspiring me to be thankful rather than resentful of the things I can not control.