what is sleep anyway

utterly exhausted.

ive been running in my sleep all night. fighting. wrestling and my strength waning.
i was screaming and shouting and attempting to break free.  i remember red eyes glowing and waiting for me.  the fear was overwhelming and i felt so scared.  i knew what I needed to do, so i prayed in tongues and yelled His name, 'Jesus!' 

the only one who can save.

i finally woke in middle of night due to punching and kicking and yelling... that must have woke me up.  i made it to the bathroom and kept speaking the blood of Jesus over me... i made it back to sleep eventually.  just trusting God to protect me.

the reason i think this is important to write about is probably #1 it helps me process and let go  #2 i think people need to know that just because you are a believer it doesn't mean you're problems and struggles go away.  in fact, you will have spiritual warfare when you believe in Jesus... this is one evidence of your salvation, out of many. 

and also, for those that are struggling with addiction... bad memories and flashbacks still occur in my mind.  is this was caused my nightmare/warfare?  i don't know.  but what i do know is- it is now a matter of choosing what to believe about myself.  i can either choose to believe i am worthless and should be dead and in hell because of my life/sins/moral failures.  OR i can choose to believe that Jesus came to seek and to save the LOST.  and that there is nothing i can do to make myself a 'good person'  we are ALL sinners who have ALL fallen short of the glory of God.  not any single person on earth deserves to go to heaven.  but because of Gods everlasting and unwavering, passionate love toward us- He made a Way. 

the Way is Jesus Christ.