scars

as i look at my arms where i sliced my wrists-
i cant help but think that a man is never going to love me,
because of my scars.

it is a stupid thought- and i have a lot of those...
but i also think when a person hears my story-
they are scared of me, because they cant comprehend a 'girl like me' going through what i went through.

i think they are really scared of God, and His mighty power.  the power that saved MY life.

if only we were all God-fearing people.

its like people sometimes look at me sideways when i talk about what has happened in my life.
and its because they are looking at my appearance... and instantly judge me.

they think because i am 'pretty' and 'intelligent' that it seems impossible that i was actually
a heroin and crack addicted prostitute.

this is a battle for me.

God does not look at the outward appearance... people do.  God looks at the heart.

My heart was black and bleeding and pierced with evil venom.

God saw MY HEART.

He saw my desperate need for Him.

and if people do not see that-
it will not stop me from testifying about the miracle of God.

because i am a miracle.

i sit in awe of God and His plan... because His plan is so instense and great.
i made a promise with God when i first got saved,
that i was going to testify until i die.
and that nothing would get in between our relationship.

not a man.
not a woman.
not a child.
not a hurricane.
not a giant.
not a demon.
not an army of communists.
not a swarm of bees.
not a drop of insincerity.
not even the coldest, snowiest mountain can get in the way of my pursuit of Jesus.
nothing.

nothing!