Thursday, August 19, 2010


last night i was playing cards with some people
i work with.

i started getting bad flashbacks of
my past.
and then they kept coming...
the flashbacks of using.

i felt weird and awkward.
i felt inferior and

i felt like if only these people knew what goes on
in my head...
they wouldnt want to socialize with me.

i felt alienated
in my mind.

i told them i was going back to my apartment cuz i was
and i almost cried when i got home.

then i dug into my Bible to find some comfort.

Psalm 34:4
I sought the Lord and he answered me,
he delivered me from all my fears.
(thanks judy+larry)

it helped...
but i wasnt completely calmed.
the attacks kept coming
all night.

i rocked myself to a light sleep,
i dreamt that i was screaming...
and i was up at 5am...

with my thoughts.

one way that satan always tried getting me
is in my mind.
he makes me think im gona go crazy again.
and i HATE him.
hes so STUPID and ANNOYING and hes a


  1. Keep your eyes on Jesus as a man, His eyes, His bleeding Sacred Heart and say His Name. Remember the way he loves you in particular, as his precious child. Treat the enemy as dust under your feet. You don't pay any attention to dust and dirt, right? Focus on Jesus and since He is God incarnate, the enemy will have to flee because you glorify the one he hates. One prayer I say is the Jesus prayer and it helps at times like that: "Jesus Christ, Son of the living God, have mercy on me, a sinner." over and over. I have fallen asleep praying it (like music almost) when harrassed. Also, holding a cross helps. Keep the Bible open too. It is very comforting. Try it, it works! ;)love you <3

  2. thanks aunt meggie...i love you too :)