"whatever you do in life will be insignificant; but its very important that you do it." -gandhi
these last four months for me have been a complete whirlwind. organizing my thoughts and memories are of no use. God keeps moving and placing me in situations that change my perspective, my heart, my outlook... my everything.
3rd world Africa was a physically challenging experience. I wouldn't say that it was more physically challenging than heroin or methadone withdrawal- but that wasn't necessarily a voluntary thing... when demons possess your life- you are a slave to them and self no longer exists. 3rd world was physically challenging because its hard to get clean without water, dehydration was normalcy, it was difficult walking to the well to get water and carrying it back to your bathroom area, it was difficult eating rice everyday, it was weird not being online for 5 hours a day(this one I kind of liked, because then I could really shut out the 1st world and just embrace life without technology)... it was only difficult because I couldn't really communicate with loved ones.
Africa was the most spiritually rested time I've ever had since turning my heart back to Jesus. I felt in the midst of living in complete poverty and physical discomfort that my spirit was soaring and flying and that precisely because of no dependence on material things that I was fully able to let go of all that can weigh us down. when you don't depend on things- but only on God- it makes life so easy to live! I have a newfound eyesight on what is important and what is not. and quite frankly, about 90% of the time we worry about things that don't matter and never will matter- they only matter in our puny, greedy, fearful, paranoid minds.
awhile ago I wrote about a boy that showed up here interested in me, he has shown me nothing but the love of Jesus. he has asked to marry me and I said yes! I am so happy and blessed that God sent him to me... it increases my faith so much knowing that exactly what I prayed for was exactly what showed up at my door one night in January.
here at work... at the ministry of teen challenge... I am talking to God about moving on... I feel a shift in what my ministry will be next..... I am getting married so therefore I will be a minister of the family:) I love experiencing God in different places, worlds, homes, people, nature, clouds, thunder and movement. He is everywhere... and I want to be where He is. so take me God, lets go.
on top of the many changes in my life lately, another event happened in my lineage of 'series of fortunate events' ;) ..........
the other night I helped my coworker deliver her baby boy into the world. I got there just in time that her water broke. her husband was there, and their 2 year old was sleeping in other room. it all happened so fast and I kept praying the whole time and did as much as I could. I called 911 and they talked us through what to do... I still haven't fully thought this one through exactly.... but last night in bed I kept laughing and thanking God for what He has been doing and just how fun it is to be living for Him.
life with God is anything but boring.
in conclusion to my 10pm ramblings... I conclude that there isn't much to conclude!
life never ends... and on this side of eternity its not about pleasing self, but pleasing God.
live your life for Him and be FULL. live your life for self and you will always be empty.
"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." -gandhi