Friday, December 16, 2011

absence of water

i am assuming this rollercoaster of uncertainty with God will subside when i have reached a certain level of maturity in Him.  although i have a burning passion for God, my feelings, however do not always match this passion.  for instance- one day i wake up praising the Lord and praying for people- and the next day i awake with complete nothingness. NOTHINGNESS!  ugh... it is such torment to feel so deeply about my Savior and then feel absolutely nothing the next day.  it is like my faith wavers- and i do not want it to!  it is like i am a robot sometimes... moving about like a Christian- but really i am just going through the motions completely void of motivation.  i want to go back to the joy of my salvation... to the days when He would speak to me all the time and show Himself to me in visions... not just in dreams, but in reality and full consciousness.  i want to go back to childish faith.  simple.  pure, sheer faith.  no doubting, no questioning, no dryness.  i just want to feel Him always, and to see Him always.  i just want to be with Him where He is, go where He goes, see what He sees, laugh when He laughs. 

nothing else matters.  life is meaningless without Him. 

i need refreshing water of the Holy Spirit.  i am so dry and thirsty.

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