snow run

this morning as i was reading Hebrews, a memory jumped into my head.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

i was running and running and running in the snow... trying to catch a bus to rehab.
i was holding a travel coffee mug and it was spilling, but i didnt care, because i had to get to my group therapy and the methadone clinic.

the snow was deep, and the wetness got into my boots, but i kept running.

i have a perfect memory of the blue sky with the clouds, the freshly fallen snow.  the smell of clean air and the deadness of winter.

i was yelling at the bus to 'wait! stop! im coming!'
but it left me.

then i stood still, heavy breathing, and spit out several swear words.

i was always running towards something... something that always failed me.