two thousand nine

I wrote this poem when I first came into the Walter Hoving Home

I was still mildly psychotic and fresh off of methadone amongst many other drugs

…. I believe I was writing this to Satan.

Written on July 21st, 2009 in Christian Rehab

You cut me up

Roughed me up

Tossed me up

Then threw me down

Shoved my face in the ground

Then put your foot on the back of my head

And grinded it all around.

You robbed me, mobbed me

Came in the night and clobbered me

You heard me scream and didn’t stop.

You didn’t stop. You didn’t stop.

I begged and pleaded- ‘please don’t do this’

But you didn’t listen, you wanted more.

You wanted all of me and you got it

It was so easy to give you all of me

When we first met. Because you made me

Think you were what I needed

Made me think I was incomplete.

But you lied! How could something that makes me feel

So good, make me act all hood?

You had me tied up in the psych ward,

Yelling to the nurses- ‘there is no Lord!’

Yea, you had me.
Doctors telling me, ‘I’m going to up your dosage.’
‘Sure doc, hold me hostage.’

Crazy in the membrane

Somethings wrong in my brain

Man, I’m going insane!

Who am I gona blame?

Yea, you had me
But without you was the worst

Did maniac things when you weren’t around

Going downtown and panhandling like a clown

There’s no doubt, I fell deep and hard

You took broken glass and twisted it in my heart.

Without you I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t be
I suffocated, drowned and fell into misery.
I kicked and kicked and kicked and kicked and kicked.

Man, get me a lick.