the sidewalk was frigid and frosted
and i was sitting there, holding my knees,
watching the steam flow out of my mouth.
i had just left the apartment that i was crashing in,
where the old man that lived there,
pimped me out.
i left that apartment to go to a different apartment
where there would be
more money and more drugs.
but i ended up getting kicked out of this place,
where i was about to get money for
dancing for a small group of men.
i was thrown out because i saw this guy had a bag of crack and
i wanted it- before i did the deed.
and i went after it,
trying to grab it from his hands.
there was about three guys holding me down,
and i was kicking and screaming,
yelling at them to give me the crack.
'give it to me! why r u flashing it in front of my face, but u wont give it to me? i need that crack.'
'u have lost ur mind, girl. we dont want no crazies up in here.
now- GET OUT OF HERE.'
i must have looked like a baby that was crack addicted and
crying and shaking
because the drug was no longer in their body.
crying and screaming like a newborn
withdrawing from crack.
they threw me out of the crack house
where i was left in the emptiness of the night...
the sidewalk was cold and dirty
and i was sitting there, holding my knees.
thrown like a ragdoll.
a car pulled up,
a green minivan.
he told me to come in the van.
it was cold out.
and he told me he was gona drive to get me money and coke,
but first i had to do what he wanted.
one part of me knew that wasnt true.
i knew that he wasnt going to come back just to give me
drugs and money after i did what he wanted.
but the other part of me,
the part that felt like i was just a worthless, dirty,
thought that it didnt sound like that bad of an idea.
and someone like me,
thought i deserved to be treated like that.
the evil won and,
he never came back to give me the drugs or money.