'Fat'

There are times when I really want to write about something
But I don't becuz I worry what people will think.

I wrote earlier today a little about an eating disorder I had...
And how I still worry about my weight sometimes.
I think its been more on my mind lately becuz there is a
Dance audition on Saturday at the Brooklyn Tabernacle and
I really wanted to try to go...

I think back to my dancing days and smile at how the music and
Movement settled my soul.

And then obsession came to destroy my first love.

I stopped dancing becuz my eating disorder took over and
Also becuz getting wasted with vodka and weed turned into more fun than

Getting wasted with Mozart and Leotards.

When I first started getting clean off everything a year ago,
I struggled a lot with getting my angst
Out of me.

I remember sitting on the toilet with a switchblade and
Carved the word
'Fat'
On my left thigh.

I looked at it and sighed relief.
I was still sick.

So now,
Thinking about trying out at an audition is giving me
Some concern about my body...

It turns out I have to work Saturday anyways...
So it looks like I will just keep dancing for Jesus and
Jesus only.
For now.