i dont remember driving to a friends house.
but i was there.
he gave me a valium as soon as i walked in.
it was quiet there.
but not for long.
me, him and our other guy friend decided to crush vitamins to look like drugs,
so we could go sell it and make
so we could buy our own drugs.
we were sitting on his bed systematically crushing vitamin pills.
filled with anticipation
i kept asking for more valium.
...i was still so shooken up.
he told me he couldnt becuz it was in his grandmas bedroom.
and she was sleeping.
it was probably 10pm by now.
we got sandwich bags and carefully transfered powder substance
into the bags,
using sturdy paper folded in half.
on the road to relief.
'look how real this looks, man!'
'yea, we will definatly sell this.'
'i just want to sell enough to get a bundle of dope,
then we're outta there. we split it three ways, ok.'
(i said, with authority- that was obviously not going to be taken seriously.)
they both looked at me like i was not worthy to make such desicions.
'whatever', i thought, 'just get me high.'
we get into my car, that earlier that day, was a place where a
almost took my worthless, addicted, miserable life.
but my life did not end.
it had more hell to scream through.
into the city...
the moon lights the sidewalks slightly.
we scan our appropriate place to set up shop.
i pull over on one of our favorite drug spots,
but the back entrance of it.
the two guys get out of my car and stand on corner waiting for
a vulnerable target.
these guys are muscular and violent.
i know they are violent because one of them turned on me a few times.
so a sheepish looking, scrawny, withdrawn,
heroin-addicted guy steps out of his car into
an unknown trap.
i watch as the guys try selling these fake drugs to him.
he is smart enough to know that it wasnt real.
he then picks up the situation and processes what it about to happen.
he grabs his throat and strangles him;
there is a struggle.
the other guy starts beating him and
he is laughing and taking pleasure in seeing the guy drop to the
his face is oozing with blood and he goes
but they continue to beat him.
cops are pulling up to the drug spot-
except they pull up to the front entrance-
and we are in back entrance...
they are doing a drug bust while this guy is a bloodied
and they dont know about it.
i yell at the guys to get back into my car because there are cops,
and also because i have seen enough and i just wanted to get out of there.
they slowly submit to my voice and
leave the guy half dead (or dead) just laying there
as they get into car i was screaming and asking-
'did u kill him? did u kill him?'
their hands were covered and dripping with
one of them was wearing my hoodie and it had blood on it and he had to throw
it out the window in case we got pulled over.
'no, no, he's not dead. we just put him to sleep.'
my heart dropped to my feet,
and i was nauseous,
about to throw up.
i drove away and i remember my headlights flashing on the
we ended up at a gas station to examine our findings.
about 150 dollars
and a watch maybe.
we bought cigarettes and went back to my house to
then we went back out to the night
to buy drugs.