crying dream

last night in my sleep i cried.
i think i was crying because i didnt want to leave
somewhere i felt safe in the dream,
and it was time for me to move on.

for more than ten years i would run away from home,
and live in weird places.
and anytime i got almost comfortable or safe in one spot-
it was time to run again.

the drugs would call me out into the wilderness
and i would be all alone searching for my lost soul.

to always be worried about where i
would stay the night, was stressful,
and traumatizing.
and it was my own fault.

but i was too weak to fight the addiction and it won
every time.

Ezekial 36:26
A new heart will I give you
and a new spirit will I put within you,
and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh
and give you a heart of flesh.

God is making it possible for me to feel again,
and its okay to be sad for the lost soul that i was.

even if its crying in my sleep.