today i am in a foggy state... just returned once again from Africa... this time Nigeria. the whirlwind is still very active in my life. another adventure of witnessing souls being brought to Jesus and praying for poor and brokenhearted children. another reacclimating time... readjusting yet again to insane, fast, busy NYC ministry life. thankfully i have acquired the skills necessary to be such a wandering nomad on earth and can adapt and figure out each new world i enter as it comes.
one new world that i am about to enter is the world of marriage! in 6 months i will be leaving my job, my apartment, my friends, my family and the only security and familiarity i've had in a long time since coming back to God 4 years ago. this 'security' is and always has been temporary. if i were to find security in people, places or jobs then my faith in Jesus Christ would be worthless. i have no fear in slaying giants, telling demons to go to hell, trampling on snakes and scorpions or any such thing. what is funny and hilarious is that i have fear in being rested... a warrior who has retreated from the fight for lost and struggling drug addicts. not that i am any less than a person for leaving teen challenge, but that who i am is so entangled with what i do. how many times do i speak to others about their identity in Christ and how they are a child of God, not a slave or performer to earn their way into the arms of Father God? it is time to practice what i preach... and fully accept this new position and calling God is moving me to... to be a wife and mother. to bring life to souls in another way, a new way, a practical family way. i am leaving a high stress, high demand, burn out- prone life to embrace my new role as a nurturer and parent?! amazing. i am up for this new adventure. with God as my teacher, i am ready for a new world to explore.