Monday, March 19, 2012
Delusional parasitosis... Is thinking that bug are on you or around you when they are in fact not. NOW I am currently involved in a REAL bug infestation, which allows my current state of mind to be acceptable. I am also so sleep deprived that I am losing balance, cognitive control, hallucinating and constantly feel like a truck just ran over me. The last 2 weeks I have been battling bedbug demons, haha. No really, they are demons from HELL. And I'm to the point where I have been bitten so much that I caught a skin infection and am now taking antibiotics. The bites swell into huge itchy lumps that sometimes look like ringworm. The itch is almost unbearable when it flares up. I say all this to say THIS, This is reminding me of when I used to hallucinate when I was younger. Because of anxiety and paranoia I used to think bugs were crawling on me. It got worse on my psychotropic medication, and it magnified to enormous measure when I was high on drugs like cocaine, speed or Ritalin. Remembering my old mind makes it somewhat easier to go through this anxiety and distress now. For about a month now I have been suffering extreme exhaustion. Soul exhaustion. And I also believe God is telling me He wants me to learn rest. God, you want me to learn rest in turmoil? He says yes.