Tuesday, January 18, 2011


i am sad today... usually i prefer to be alone and by myself, then with a group of people and having to talk about things that dont matter.
usually, i am by myself reading or praying or contemplating something. and the other day someone wanted to come into my apartment and watch a movie(she didnt ask, but i could read her)- but i did not invite her in. i felt kinda bad about it... but i just knew that this person would want to talk and talk and talk about things that are meaningless. and i would much rather spend time speaking with God about things that have much meaning- than mindless chatter. i do not mind being with people like this-but sometimes i just dont have the capacity to listen. man, i hope im not sounding rude. i just try to be honest and share whats on my heart.

anyway- im sad today also because of bills. and i hate that something as stupid as a bill can effect my emotional state. although, i think it had to do with how the guy on the phone talked to me when i tried to reconcile this debt. he did not listen to me, and was probably a young teenager working in the debt-collections office. he gave me a lot of attitude and when i got off phone with him, i cried. not because of him, but because i am trying SO HARD to get my life back together and i think im making good progress, but the financial part of it sometimes overwhelms me. and i do not even have that much debt- i am grateful that i have never owned a credit card! so i just have student loans and medical bills. thank God.

Luke 5:16
But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.

this scripture gives me comfort.

this is what i do most of my time... and it is ok that i am sad today. becuz if i were happy and giddy all the time- i would then be placed in the category of people that seem 'fake' and i am anything but fake.


  1. Hey saved sister, You hang in there now...I have financial woes too, but you know we will endure! You are doing the right thing by meditating on the Word of God. He is our hope, our strength, our fortress. ... Our ever present help in times of trouble! Praise God for his love. Don't worry about saying no the the talker...You will know when God wants you to give to her. Nurture yourself in the Holy Spirit. Put on your worship music, or make your own! Dance to the Lord. Cry to the Lord. A good lament is a pure form of prayer. You are loved. May God give you all that you need, financially and much more. Do you have a local church family you can stay connected with? You are doing so well. Keep on going my blog friend. I really like your honesty and simplicity. :) Be blessed.

  2. Thanks D...yes actually I work at Teen Challenge and we have services twice a week, prayer almost everyday, and my whole life is ministry. I also go to school here, I am going to become a minister :) I also go to the Brooklyn Tabernacle on Sundays for extra worship.

  3. Your faith community sounds rich. I am glad you have the support from others. I have a wonderful church family in my little town, but no one who has walked the painful path of recovery from the grip of heroin. Your voice is like fresh air. Thanks for sharing. :)

  4. Hi -

    Our Lord appreciates honesty. You were honest and not rude. Thank you for keeping it real!