i am sad today... usually i prefer to be alone and by myself, then with a group of people and having to talk about things that dont matter.
usually, i am by myself reading or praying or contemplating something. and the other day someone wanted to come into my apartment and watch a movie(she didnt ask, but i could read her)- but i did not invite her in. i felt kinda bad about it... but i just knew that this person would want to talk and talk and talk about things that are meaningless. and i would much rather spend time speaking with God about things that have much meaning- than mindless chatter. i do not mind being with people like this-but sometimes i just dont have the capacity to listen. man, i hope im not sounding rude. i just try to be honest and share whats on my heart.
anyway- im sad today also because of bills. and i hate that something as stupid as a bill can effect my emotional state. although, i think it had to do with how the guy on the phone talked to me when i tried to reconcile this debt. he did not listen to me, and was probably a young teenager working in the debt-collections office. he gave me a lot of attitude and when i got off phone with him, i cried. not because of him, but because i am trying SO HARD to get my life back together and i think im making good progress, but the financial part of it sometimes overwhelms me. and i do not even have that much debt- i am grateful that i have never owned a credit card! so i just have student loans and medical bills. thank God.
But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.
this scripture gives me comfort.
this is what i do most of my time... and it is ok that i am sad today. becuz if i were happy and giddy all the time- i would then be placed in the category of people that seem 'fake' and i am anything but fake.