shes just sad

a girl that was admitted into our program,
decided to leave the other day.

she was in my office and had that look...

that salty sea of sadness
drowned her face.

she never became addicted-
just mentally ill.
and her eyes were glazed over as she stared at my walls.

'so, u going somewhere safe when u leave here?'
'yea, ill be with my grandma.'
'okay. u hungary? i have some fruit and nut trailmix.'
'yea, thanks.'
she munches quietly as she stares off into neverland.
and i looked into her eyes and
prayed.

i remember that glazed, dazed state of mind.
it sucks.
its so numb and empty.
the only thing good about it,
is that there is no feeling.
(and im learning now that feelings ARE a good thing.)

like ur skimming along in life and everything passes u by

...friends are getting married and are pregnant
and have finished college and
have successful lives.

and all of this is happening and u dont even know it.
until u come back to reality(if u ever do)
and then its like a whirlwind of events that slaps u in
face.
and u feel guilty for not being 'present' in ur loved ones lives...
even if u were there physically.

sometimes i wonder what the purpose is for someones life
when they are that numbed out.
maybe it is to be an encouragement for someone if u come out of it...
or to give them comfort and sympathy.

whatever the reason,
i know there is hope.

because i came out of it.

so i know it is possible.
the only catch is that you have to be so desperate enough to want help.
you have to be ready to surrender everything over to God.
and he is faithful to deliver you from the worst, of worst of

sadness.