mutilation

"There is a relationship between our
willingness to die for God
and His willingness to deliver us."

there is nothing in this life that
i want more than to be with Jesus...

because he has delivered me from so much
evil...
how can i not want to just worship him and
love him?

i used to be a cutter.
i remember feeling so good when i would
slice my skin open.

it was such a 'high'

seeing the blood calmed me down.

for me, i was such a bipolar pre-teen,
that it was so difficult for me to get
feelings and emotions out appropriately.

instead of asking God to help me,
i would seek self-mutilation
for a release.

in our old house in hamlin,
my dad had a tool area in the basement.
one night, feeling frustrated,
i went down there to pick out a weapon.
i saw my picture up on his bulletin board...
i was like 8 years old in that picture.
i picked out a hammer and

started banging my face.

i looked at my picture and that made me
want to hurt myself more.

i hated myself and who i was.
i think i was like 15 at that time.

Gods delivering power could deliver even
ME.
even someone like ME!!!

once u r willing to let everything go
and stop holding onto every little thing...
something amazing happens.

i cant imagine hurting myself now.
i have no desire to.

i have been completely delivered from self-mutilation.